


Why Can't I Be You (Or: Aww, Paperwork)

by ceealaina



Series: Tony Stark Bingo 2020 [12]
Category: Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, Human Disaster Clint Barton, Humor, M/M, Minor Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Misunderstandings, Secret Relationship, Unobservant Avengers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23675272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceealaina/pseuds/ceealaina
Summary: When Clint has to go away on a deep cover mission, he doesn’t hesitate to name Kate as his replacement on the Avengers roster. But when he forgets to, you know, actually submit the paperwork, misunderstandings and confusion ensue. (Not quite 616 and not quite MCU, but some fun hybrid of the two.)Title: Why Can't I Be You (Or: Aww, Paperwork)Collaborator Name: ceealainaCard Number: 3088Link: AO3Square Filled: S4 - Kate Bishop/HawkeyeShip: Gen (Minor Background Stony)Rating: TeenMajor Tags: Humor, MisunderstandingsSummary: When Clint has to go away on a deep cover mission, he doesn’t hesitate to name Kate as his replacement on the Avengers roster. But when he forgets to, you know, actually submit the paperwork, misunderstandings and confusion ensue. (Not quite 616 and not quite MCU, but some fun hybrid of the two.)Word Count: 2257
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Tony Stark Bingo 2020 [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1594795
Comments: 10
Kudos: 51
Collections: Tony Stark Bingo 2020





	Why Can't I Be You (Or: Aww, Paperwork)

When Clint found out about his three-month deep-cover mandatory assignment with SHIELD, he didn’t hesitate to designate Kate as his official temporary replacement on the Avengers roster. He’d been mentoring her for just over two years now, and while he’d never say it to her face, she’d probably stopped needing the mentoring just _under_ two years ago. Kate was phenomenal, confident and competent and with his same penchant for disgustingly sugary breakfast cereal. Really, the only problem he could see was somebody (Tony) getting funny ideas about making his temporary replacement a little more permanent. It was an absolutely flawless plan. 

Except, of course, that while Clint had many talents, paperwork was not one of them. And as such, he forgot to actually _designate Kate as his replacement_. 

Clint had only been gone a few days before the next call to assemble had come in, and since it was a frequent occurrence for Clint to disappear off to BedStuy and/or the vents during their downtime, nobody had really questioned not seeing him around the tower. 

Tony was flying over Chelsea Market (there was a reason that the Avengers were based in New York, and it wasn’t just the late-night dining options), trying to figure out their best bet for dealing with the giant starfish… things they were fighting back into the ocean when something caught his eye and he stopped dead, hovering a few feet away from a rooftop. Everyone knew that Clint’s favourite colour was purple, and he certainly couldn’t imagine anyone else wearing a purple jumpsuit with _hip_ cutouts -- especially not while wielding a bow and arrow -- but that was as far as the resemblance went. The figure on the rooftop was decidedly more feminine than Tony remembered Barton being, moving with easy, lithe movements that were a far cry from Clint’s normal blend of competent dumbassery. 

He was so focused on this strange newcomer that he nearly missed the giant sea urchin headed his way until all of a sudden there were spines on his arm and a huge sucking hole almost right in his face. Tony made a disgusted noise because that mouth thing was disturbing on a level he couldn’t even explain. But before he could form any kind of attack response, an arrow was flying past him, missing his shoulder by millimeters to embed itself right in the centre of the sea urchins mouth hole thing, sending it rolling off in the other direction. Tony turned in time to see the woman on the roof throw him a saucy salute that was all Clint. 

“Okay,” Tony said to no one in particular. “Sure.”

Throwing himself back into the fray, Tony searched out Steve on the battlefield below and then switched over to a private line. 

“Uh, hey honey,” he said, shooting a repulsor blast at the same time. “Can I hum in your ear a second?” 

Steve’s sigh was weary. “Tony, I’ve told you before. No sexting on the battlefield.” 

“Technically it’s not sexting if we’re speaking to each other,” Tony couldn’t help pointing out. “Also, I want you to know that somewhere there’s an alternate universe where I’m married to Rhodey, and _he_ lets me talk dirty in his ear anytime.”

“Tony.”

“Right. No, no it’s not that. Uh, your three o’clock. You seeing what I’m seeing?” 

He watched as Steve turned in the direction he had pointed out, and then winced as the shield went flying into the giant L of the Google sign, shattering the lower part of it. 

“Shit,” Steve cursed, shifting position to retrieve it. “Is that…?”

“Clint?” Tony supplied. “Lady Clint? I’ve got no idea, but I’ve got a really bad feeling that the answer to that is a resounding yes.” 

Steve cursed under his breath again, launching himself at another one of the sea monsters. “Okay,” he said, and Tony was only a little resentful that he didn’t even sound winded. “Let’s just… Deal with this, and then we’ll deal with that.” 

***

Kate swung down from the fire escape, sticking the landing perfectly. Her heart was still pounding with adrenaline in the best way. This wasn’t her first fight, obviously, but there was a big difference between helping Clint take out the tracksuit mafia and a full-scale Avengers mission against… Well, she still wasn’t sure what those things had been but it didn't matter. That had been _incredible._

Abruptly she stopped as she realized that Captain America and Iron Man were standing at the entrance to the alley, watching. She took a moment to steady herself, because holy shit, these were the _Avengers_ waiting for her to join them (and yes, okay, technically Clint was an Avenger too, but that was different) and drew in a deep breath before striding forward with as much confidence as she could muster. 

“Hi,” she said, thrusting her hand forward. Her dad had been an asshole, but he’d still impressed on her the importance of a strong handshake. “I’m the new and improved Hawkeye.”

There was a sound from Iron Man that may have been a snort, and then his faceplate was rolling back to reveal sparkling eyes and wow. Older dudes weren’t really her thing, but the tabloids did not do him justice. 

“Sure,” he said, taking her hand in his own metal grip. “Nice to meet you.” 

Beside him, Captain America rolled his eyes. “Hilarious,” he said dryly. 

Kate hesitated a moment, a little hurt that he wouldn’t even shake her hand, but tried to tell herself that maybe he was still in post-mission mode, and all business business. Or maybe he was just a dick, but she felt like Clint would have mentioned that at some point. Steve seemed to confirm her first thought when, a beat later, he was pressing a hand against Iron Man’s back, steering him back toward the street. 

“Come on, let’s just get back to the Tower, so we can sort this all out.” He glanced over at Tony, a little more fondness in his voice. “You gonna make me fill out your action report too?” 

“Obviously,” Tony told him.

Steve glanced back at Kate, and this time she could see he was smiling a little. “I hope you don’t think this means you’re getting out of doing your paperwork.” 

“I… Wasn’t,” she told him, still a little confused. Captain America might not have been the dick that he’d first appeared to be, but she had the feeling that she was missing something very important here. 

Tony and Steve talked the whole way to the Quinjet, some hybrid of tactical discussion and friendly bickering that left Kate to follow a step behind them. Occasionally there’d be a moment of silence as they’d wait for her input, but truthfully Kate was only humming in agreement to words she hadn’t heard, still a little in awe that she was working with the _actual Avengers_. When they reached the jet Tony had clapped Steve on the shoulder and told him he’d meet him back home, apparently flying back to the tower under his own power. He’d taken a step back, faceplate coming down, and then he stilled. 

“Hey, great work today, by the way. You handled that insanely well.” 

“Uh.” Kate looked around, sure that he must be talking to Steve again, but Steve was already several feet away, talking to the Falcon, and the faceplate was pointed in her direction. “Thank you!” she told him, feeling her heart skip a beat at the idea that _Iron Man was complimenting her_. “You know, I was a little worried when I saw they were giant sea urchins, cause like. What? But it wasn’t so bad!” 

“Well yeah, but that’s just Avenger life. With your whole… Situation though.”

“Uhhh.” 

The faceplate came back up, and Tony stepped in closer, lowering his voice to presumably keep any of the SHIELD agents milling about from listening in. “Seriously. I know Steve said we’d figure this out back at the tower, but you’ve gotta be freaking out a little. How are you holding up?” 

Kate blinked at him. “With what?” 

Tony gestured vaguely at her body, and while Kate was getting over the weirdness of Tony Stark pointing out her boobs, he arched an eyebrow at her. “Seriously, Clint. Are you okay?” 

“Oh!” Kate’s eyes went wide as she suddenly realized what was going on. She didn’t know how, or why, but for some reason they didn’t think she was Clint’s replacement. They thought she _was_ Clint. Somehow. It didn’t make sense to her, but she supposed for the Avengers, stranger things had happened. 

Then panic caught up with her as she realized what they meant. If they thought she was Clint, they couldn’t have been expecting her at all. What would happen if they found out she was holding Clint’s spot on the team? Would they decide she wasn’t good enough, wasn’t experienced enough? Would they make her _leave_? That panic was the only excuse for the words that came out of her mouth next. 

“Yes,” she said, with a slightly hysterical laugh. “Yes. I, Clint Barton, have turned into a woman.” 

She regretted it immediately, because _wow_ Bishop, way to dig yourself into a hole, but she couldn’t stop giggling. This whole situation was just too ridiculous. 

“Right.” Tony was looking a little concerned, and like maybe he regretted bringing this up here. He settled a hand on her shoulder. “Well, try not to panic,” he told her. “This isn’t the weirdest thing that’s happened, right? We’ll figure it out.” 

“Right,” Kate said, clearing her throat and fighting to get herself under control. “Sorry, I just… Had a moment, but I’m fine. Really, it’s not even that bad. Being a woman is pretty awesome.” 

Tony grinned back at her, looking relieved. “Well, don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re so much more competent since you turned into a girl?” 

Kate started laughing again, digging around for her cell phone. “I’m sorry,” she choked out, trying to thumb open the camera app. “Can you say that again?” 

***

A few days later, and Kate was living a life of many regrets. At first, it had been as hilarious as it had been ridiculous. She just assumed that it wouldn’t be long before someone had a moment of “wait a minute, that’s clearly not Clint.” But that moment hadn’t arrived. 

Thor hadn’t even blinked at the announcement that Clint was a woman now, shrugging and asking in his big booming voice (because holy shit, he was the actual god of thunder and _wow_ , did he look like it) if ‘humans didn’t just change physical genders sometimes, you know?’ At the round of blank stares, he’d just shrugged again and informed them that Loki did it all the time, like that somehow made it normal.

And, to be fair, Kate probably hadn’t helped things when they’d ordered pizza, and she started interacting with the deaf delivery driver in sign language, but really. Was she supposed to just ignore her?

But now she was stuck. She was in too deep, and didn’t know how she was even going to begin to explain that Surprise! She wasn’t Clint at all, she had just been letting them think that for three days now, because she was a lunatic, apparently. 

(She was also trying very hard not to be offended that nobody had figured it out. She loved Clint like a brother, but that didn’t mean she wanted to _be_ him.)

Luckily, as it turned out, Kate didn’t have to explain herself at all. She was sitting in the enormous common kitchen area (the novelty of living in Avengers Tower not having worn off at all) trying to soothe her growing panic with an enormous bowl of Lucky Charms that she’d pulled from the cupboard, ignoring the warning of ‘CLINT’S ONLY. DO NOT TOUCH’ written in big, bold, Sharpie letters across the front. Then the door swung open, sharp footsteps entering the room. 

“Alright, Barton. What’s this I hear about you managing to turn yourself into a woman?”

Kate looked up with wide eyes, watching as Natasha walked into the room, flanked on either side by Tony and Steve. “Uh. Hi, Nat!”

Nat took one look at Kate and her guilty smile and rolled her eyes. “I am surrounded by idiots,” she announced. 

And that was the end of Kate’s career as Clint-Hawkeye. (But not, thankfully, the end of her career as an Avenger.)

_Epilogue_

It was another two weeks before Clint was able to come back on comms long enough to call and check in to see how she was doing. When Kate told him everything that had happened (because if she didn’t, _someone_ would, and it would probably Deadpool, and it would just be much, much better if it came from her) Clint had laughed for five minutes straight. 

“I feel like I should be insulted that they didn’t even blink over the idea that I got myself turned into a woman,” he told her, still chuckling every few words. “But it’s so funny that I really can’t be.” 

“ _You’re_ insulted?” Kate retorted. “I spent three days with everybody just assuming I was _you_.”

“Yes,” Clint agreed, not even slightly offended. “That is definitely worse.” 

“Hey,” Kate said after a moment of comfortable silence. “How come you never gave me a heads up that Captain America and Iron Man are dating?” 

From the other end of the phone, there was a spluttering, choking, coughing sound. 

“I’m sorry, Captain America and Iron Man are _what now_?”


End file.
